Tuesday, December 28, 2004

3 days.

you know, if you love me you could leave a comment. the comment button isnt there for decoration.

im in a bad mood again;what else is new. tonight, for me, was shit. no offence it wasnt any of your faults but i hate it when everyone else is having a good time and you're just not..and you try to but it just doesn't happen.
i feel like crying but i don't really know why.
not a happy miss holly tonight my friends.
i dont feel like going shopping with the girls tomorrow..i just dont feel up to it..sales make me miserable because its all packed and i suck at bargain hunting.
plusplus the guy i like is all 'i slept with my girlfriend' whatev like i want to know, you skank.
who invented emotions? whoever it was is a FOOOOL.
james rang me tonight. not james durant, james buckingham my ex who is now mi amigo & full time drinking buddy. it was ace, he well cheered me up. we did a bit of reminising (howev you spell it) about when we were going out but hes with clairebear now and im not bitter or anything, im happy. we make better amigos, cos we can talk on the phone about stupid shit without making knobbers of ourselves. aceee.
and he totally slated the knobbers who pissed me off which cheered me up. its well what i needed.
i get so emotional sometimes its mad..i hate it. thing is, my friends get like that too and sometimes theyre worse but i choose to make my emotions public and write them online or talk about them on msn-they just talk to me about it in private-but everyone thinks when they read it GOD that holly shes a right emotional knobber but its not just meeeee. i think i should make giving up msn my new years resolution.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

oo7. tis the season to act like knobbers

What complete and utter wanker gave me a sore throat/cough for Christmas? I asked for Dougie from McFLY, you tarts.

The start of the Christmas Holidays have been surprisingly eventful for me. I remember the Summer where I didn't go out at all, but this Christmas I've barely had a minute to myself. On the Saturday I had my last day at work at Tesco, but the less said about that the better. I hope my horrible mouthy customer has a horrible Christmas and burns her turkey and her yorkshire puddings.
On the Sunday, Katie and I went to Camden market to indulge in some Christmas shopping (which for me, means shopping for myself; I bought the most gorgeous scarf in existance, a long black jumper with a side zip, and a groovy little skirt for Sixth Form) As well as this, I bought my mum her Christmas present (see, im not entirely selfish) and all in all I spent a fortune. Half my wages gone in a couple of hours of shopping. They were right when they said woman and money are a dangerous combination.
On Monday I went shopping again (I was a man on a mission, as they say) and I returned the OC calender which I had originally bought for Collette and was excited about giving her until she randomly announced "HOLLY. I HAVE SEEN AN OC CALENDER IN CLINTON CARDS AND THE GUYS LOOK SO MINGIN'. DO NOT BUY IT. YOU WILL THINK THEY LOOK UGLY, I DO," and this rant from her carried on, all the while the OC calender in question was under the very bed she was sitting on. To replace the 'mingin' and 'ugly' calender, I bought her Betty Boop stationary. You can't go wrong with Betty Boop. She can't look mingin or ugly as she is a little cartoon slapper in hooker-heels. Printed on adorable pink stationary.
On Tuesday, I met the girls at Wimpy for lunch-I'd eaten so I just had a hot chocolate- and then we took a stroll to The Ghetto (Waltham Cross) for...wait for it...MORE SHOPPING! It never ends! Collette bought presents for her family..I'm sure Katie bought something too but I can't remember what...and I was all spent out and didn't buy a thing. WAIT. I LIE. I bought Vicky's Christmas pressie. Then Katie went home and Collette stayed at mine for a bit, and no doubt we laughed a lot about things the rest of you boring beings wouldn't be amused by (salami for example)
On Wednesday, I went with my mum to St Albans for...dare I say it..MORE SHOPPING (I honestly didn't buy anything this time) and we met up with my mums friend Mary and her daughter Kiera. We had lunch in Carluccios, some 'in' Italien resteraunt in the town. I had my lunch peppered for me by a man with a big pepper mill (bring on Collette and a hysterical laughing fit)
Today, I went to The Pond with my dad to sort out cashing my cheque, and to do some other things, and then I went to Collettes.
Like I said, I havn't had a moment to myself, but I can't say I havn't enjoyed it.
Tomorrow I am seeing mi amigo Vicky, I feel bad because she is my homegirl and I havn't seen her all holiday. I need her to perform her excellent straightening skills on my hair in time for the drinking session I am having with my drinking buddies tomorrow night.
Then, as we all know, Saturday is Christmas. Mucho excitemondo! The only downside is that there is no 25th door on my advent calender.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

oo7. boys don't cry but girls do.

this entry is classified as a 16-contains strong language and scenes of a very stressed out nature.

I am in such a fucking bad mood. All along I've been blaming my tablets but its me. i hate the way I am, everything about me, my personality. I think people like me but then when it comes down to it, who really does? and who even gives a shit? WHO EVEN READS THIS FUCKING THING. you say you'll read it but just like everyone else you get bored of what I have to say. I hate MSN because It makes me want to talk to people and I cant see emotions through it, or tell tones of voice so I never know if people genuinely want to talk to me or are just talking to me because im talking to them and they are really thinking 'shut the fuck up' ARGHH. My worst traits are my jealousy..the fact that I analyse everything..whos going to like a girl who reads into everything and who talks like this. Nobody, thats who.
If I was anyone else I wouldn't want to know me.
Why the fuck do I analyse everything too?
And why do i talk so fucking much?
No-one is even reading this so I am going to shut up and fuck off now, thanks.

oo6. "Hello do you ne..."

There comes a time in everyones life where they could quite happily murder their friends. Yesterday was my time.
I was working my wonderful (not) nine hour shift on the Tesco's checkouts and it got to about half past 4 when my amigos Katie, Collette, & Katie Lawrence (she isnt a close amigo) came down my till with sandwiches and so on which they had bought just so they could come down my checkout lol. Bless. When I got to serving them, Katie Lawrence announces "I just saw X(not mentioning any names) and I told him you fancy him!!!" and they all looked really pleased with themselves as if I'd be happy about it. More like mortified. I didn't want him to know!
So they went on their way with their shopping and it got to just gone five, and i was sorting out the change & receipts in my till. I turned around to serve my next customer and got as far as saying 'Hello do you ne..." (we're meant to say hello do you need any help packing) when I notice that its none other that X standing there. My cheeks automatically turned beetroot and I suddenly forgot how to function. He said something along the lines of "I just spoke to your friends" and I said "yeh they said they told you something but I won't even ask what" and I clumsily sorted out his change for him, my cheeks still red & burning. I was so embarrassed. I said goodbye and he said "See you Tuesday" and then he was gone.
Becky came to visit me on my till, and mi amigo Jamie from school came down my till to buy food and then I spotted Joe starting work, he was a few tills in front of me and kept pulling faces at me to stop me being bored. They sat me with this guy Kevin and we were talking while we worked so it was companionable but I still despise working there for that long.
On my breaks I stopped off to talk to Adam who was working there, then I went to get a drink, and when I came back Adam said "Owen fancies you" so im thinking "who the hell is Owen?!" and then Adam pointed him out to me. I went back to the tills and on my next break Adam said "Owen saw me talking to you and was asking me 'whos that girl? what were you saying to her? she looks well buff'" Lol how random. I know who Owen is from that activity day thing we had at my school when the other schools came. He was in my group and he seemed a bit of a knobber to me. He went out with Sam from my school and she said the same thing. Ho hum.
A whole week until my next shift at the hell hole, I can't wait till this is all over. And if one more person comes down my till with Mr Kipling chocolate chip cake bars or massive bottles of WKD Blue I will eat and drink it all for myself, no joke.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

oo5. this is a TUNE!

I think i may be losing my sanity.
Last night me, Collette & Katie went to Dan's house cos' he had a free house, and it was actually pretty cool. The guys were playing their 'phat tunes' all night & i am shocked to say that I didn't actually mind it! However I did draw the line at Blue, I hate them with a passion. Dan has some niiiice friends *wink*!
Today is my first day at work. Tesco's here I come! Half-one till half-ten...I think after the first 5 hours I may want to slit my wrists..the constant BEEP..BEEP of scanned items will make my brain explode. Who's idea was it for my to get a job? I blame Bradley for not telling me how crap it is (even though when I told him I had a job he said 'WHAT? YOU FOOL! TESCOS IS THE WORST PLACE TO WORK!!) hehe. Oooh I don't want to go.
Also, my tablets are making me miserable. They dry my lips out so much..and it makes me look horrible & it means I have to apply Vaseline every two seconds. Also, they make my moods really bad. Anyone who knows me will tell you I can be a moody biatch at the best of times..but now I spaz out so much more often & i get upset over EVERYTHING. soon I'll be put on frickin anti depresents if it carries on like this!
...breathe in...and out...
The alcoholic in me is rearing its ugly head-one sip of blue WKD last night & i was hooked..I think a social gathering at Miss Holly's house is in order..I will get arranging. x

Thursday, December 09, 2004

ROFL - literally.

Despite being the world's worst till girlie, I have an amazing talent for barn dancing. This, I discovered today at lunch time, when I managed to single handedly get room full of my friends to barn dance with me to Cotton Eye Joe at school. It was an amazing sight and tres amusant. As well as this, I reworked the song lyrics to "Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from Quasimodo?!" and then I did a very realistic Quasimodo impression which made Emma-Jayne laugh A LOT. And Adam Walters. Whether or not they were laughing at me or with me is another matter entirely. All in all it was a day of much laughter and rolling on the floor laughing..literally.
We went with Katie to the art rooms in our free periods, and Collette and I decided to go in the dark room to have a look around. Needless to say we got stuck in there, because that is so typical of us, but then Collette being the genious that she is found the door handle and we escaped. I told Emma-Jayne that I had left my phone in there & she went in there to get it for me, even though my phone was safely tucked away in my pocket. I shut the door and put the bin in front of it so she couldn't get out, but Katie let her out (spoilsport!)
On top of all of this extreme hilariousity, was the art room dance fest..(me and collette doing manic disco dancing-poor katie was trying to do her work & the others just looked at us like we are insane..which we are)
I have never laughed so much in my life. Except for yesterday, which is a whole other story that I won't go into just now.
Some woman in Tesco asked me if I was born at Christmas; for any of you fools who think you are being clever and original by asking me that, just aren't. Tis old, and if you dare sing 'The Holly & the Ivy' to me I will beat you with your own shoe.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

oo4. credit card?

It is official. I am the worlds worst till girlie ever to walk through Tesco's doors. That is the reason why this entry is belated, as i have been doing till training for the past two days. However, now you lucky things can have two entries in one. Buy one get one free. I have Tesco's on the brain.
So yeh, they put me on the tills today and I sat there staring at the mounting conveyer belt of shopping in front of me thinking 'what the hell do I do with that?!' The girl who was supervising said 'start scanning...' and i was like 'OH YEH'. I am so blonde it's unbelievable. The shoppers looked all agitated because I was so slow (it took me a million years to scan each item) but it just shows that they are all really dim seeing as there was a nice polite notice up saying THIS CASHIER IS TRAINING SO YOUR SHOPPING MAY TAKE LONGER TO BE SCANNED or whatever it said. I'm sorry but if you don't understand that then you should not be fit to walk around in Tesco. After scanning all of the items (i learnt how to scan reduced items too - go me!) I forgot to ask for a clubcard & then the shopper presented me with a credit card & i just looked at it like I didn't know what it was. The superviser said 'take the card..put it through..' so I did and then I had to ask for a pin number but the woman didn't have one so she had to sign a reciept and I had to match the signature to the credit card (she could have been a fraudster for all I knew seeing as i couldn't read her damn credit card) but yes..then I sent her on her way with an akward 'goodbye'. I suck. I honestly can't believe they hired me..I belong in a Stupid Home with all the other blondes who don't know what a credit card is.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

oo3. christmas shopping

Human beings can be so stupid. They *think* they are being clever, but really they just..well..aren't. Like today, for example. It's Sunday, it's what..two weeks to Christmas? Three weeks? Whatever..people are all rushing around like loons to buy Christmas presents so they all flock to Lakeside or Bluewater to do their shopping. Fair enough, that's what me and my family did today. My brother matty drove us to Bluewater and we got there nice & early to avoid the traffic..and there was NO traffic on the roads at all, the carparks were almost empty. It was about 9am by this time, maybe a bit later. We go in, spot an opening times sign, and see that the shops don't open till 11. See my point? My mum THOUGHT she was being clever by dragging me out of bed at 7am to get there early and avoid the traffic..but the bloody shops didn't open for another two bloody hours!! We had breakfast in McShite (mcdonalds for those of you who are a sandwich short of a picnic) to pass some time. Then the whole place starts filling up with people who thought they were early too, but really they all had the same idea as everyone else. They all think 'oooh lets go to Bluewater on a Sunday instead of a Saturday because it will be less busy!' and 'i think we should get there early to avoid traffic', but they don't realise that EVERY other damn shopper has the same idea.

I have my till training tomorrow, so I will have to put up with hoards of shoppers buying out the whole shop. It's amazing how much food people buy for one day of the year. No wonder we are a nation of obese people. All along they were blaming McShite for their supersize meals when really it is the greedy shoppers who are at fault! Someone should inform the government..

Saturday, December 04, 2004

oo2. induction

it's official. i hate work and i havn't even started yet.
today was my induction at Tescos, and if it wasnt for the fact that the seat was really hurting my arse i would probably have fallen asleep. the highlight was probably watching the video of an old lady slipping over on a grape. It was alright though, I knew a few people there; nick, mark, jamie, robert & sarah so i wasn't a total holly-no-mates! i start my actual till training on monday night *yawn*

i think i've gotten over what i wrote about in my last entry, or maybe it's just pushed to the back of my mind right now. either way, im glad im not thinking about it anymore. now i just have a whole bunch of other stuff on my mind...
one thing is guys; its not that i have difficulty finding them-it's just finding one who is right for me. there's plenty of guys im attracted to..PLENTY..i could reel off a big long list but what would be the point? Half the ones I like don't even know I exist, & as for the rest of them I don't really know them well enough to judge whether or not they're what im looking for. Right now i'm actually happy being single; im enjoying the freedom whereas before all i wanted was to be with someone, but since Tim I just havn't felt that same longing for someone to be close to. It's not that I don't WANT to be with someone right now, because if the right guy came along then I wouldn't just let go of him because im enjoying being's more a case of coming to terms with whats happened before. I'm not going out of my way to look for a boyfriend-i used to do that and it always landed me with the wrong guys- now I'm just going to let the boy come to me hehe. That said, my Boy Radar is always on & in top form..I can spot a fittie a mile away! There's plenty of attractive guys out there, but i just have to wait for the right NICE one to come my way..

Friday, December 03, 2004

oo1. diary

I was sitting here earlier & i realised how wierd it is that people change their personalities to suit the people they are with. Everyone does it, me included. It's so wierd. I won't mention names but friend 'X' changes msn name to impress the person they like, even though friend 'X' doesn't usually have msn names like that. Friend 'Y', around me, acts different & changes style from the way they act & their style around their other friends. & me? When I'm writing my website I take into account all the people who will be looking at my site, & i realise that most of them type in shorthand & slang so on my site I try and make sure I type like that. I don't know why I do it but I just think I should, because I know being myself isn't good enough sometimes for some people. With this diary thing I'm just going to be myself & express myself the way I want to-I'm used to typing words out how they're spelt-I'm not going to reduce myself to shorthand just because I feel I should. It isn't just the way I type though..thats only one small part of it. I really am starting to feel like people don't accept me for the way I am & the way I dress & the music I like, I feel like I should constantly change myself so people like me, which is weird because up until now I've never given a shit about how people see me, but now I want people to like me as much as my friends, I don't want to be the odd one out anymore..